At some point of life, we would have reached a stage where we meet our future partner to start a life with him/her from the dating stage to marriage. At this point of time, it is important to know some tips on how to deal with your difficult parents in law.
Every family have a very different culture and thinking, thus there might be some possible culture shock between a very loving, close-bonded family as compared to those family who have the opposite culture. Your partner who is brought up by their parents may have a different attitude from their parents, thus there might be possible conflicts and difference in opinion, difference in what is right or wrong. Miscommunication and misinterpretation is a root cause for any arguments or conflicts that arise.
The most difficult person at this stage with be your partner who is torn between the parents and partner. Thus, it is very important to be backed up or mentally prepared for any upcoming disagreements in opinions and live views from your parents-in-law.
They might have their own different views in terms of life’s elements. However, in any case, the most important opinion comes from your partner, not what your parents-in-laws said to you.
1. Don’t take things at heart
As humans, we tend to make mistakes especially when we get emotional. When we are at the state where we get overly emotionally or tensed due to an unforeseen circumstance, you may speak things you do not mean it. Ask yourself, I am sure you have also done the same before during an argument with someone.
Family members might speak words they do not mean it when there is a heated argument due to anxiety and personal mental stress.
Try not to take arguments too seriously. If in the case your parents in law have admitted their mistakes and apologized. This means they had realized their mistakes and they also had lowered down their ego for you. You should also need to lower down your ego to accept their apologies to maintain peace of mind for both you and your partner.
There is no perfect relationship in this world, as family members we fight, laugh and cry together but we will never break apart, that is what is family called. It sometimes make us closer, as we had seen all each other’s true colors and are willing to apologize to each other, and then move on to the forgive and forget stage.
2. Try to understand their reason
Whenever we deal with arguments and conflicts with our difficult parents in law, both parties should learn how to see two ways of perspective from both sides. Most of the times, arguments get heated up when we forget to imagine ourselves being in the shoes of the opposing party. Have you ever thought if you were them, how would you react from their point of view?
Sometimes we forget that part where we should try to understand the other party’s thinking, until we sit down calmly without their presence. We will start to think that sometimes we had been overreacting and may had scared off the opposing party.
If their reasons are valid, that explains the reason for their behavior. Sometimes their reason are a way of concern to you and your partner.
3. Do not space out too much
Heard of this saying before “Strike while the iron is hot?”. This means when given an opportunity, we should take the chance while it is still there at that moment before it is gone. This means if you had entered an argument with your parents in law. Sometimes they might realize their mistakes later, and may had even apologize to you.
In this situation, if you are in the midst of spacing out from them due to the commotion, it is okay to do so. Depending on your partner’s needs, you should accommodate your partner’s need for you to make amends with him/her family members. Thus spacing out too long is not a long-term solution. It may even make the situation worst. The longer you do so, the longer the problem exists, and it will impact your everyday life with your partner.
Spacing out means not joining any family related of your partner’s side family. Your partner might feel sad when seeing other relatives bringing their partner along to join main celebrations like the new year’s. Where else your partner is left alone to face this issue with many relatives asking about your whereabouts during a family event. You might not feel anything as you are spacing out somewhere else. While your partner is facing many relatives during a main celebration, asking and some relatives may even doubt about the truth or lie of the reason of you for not attending such major celebrations.
4. Remember that they were the reason your partner exist
Family being family, have you ever thought and notice that your partner has some traits similar to their parents? Sometimes some cute traits of them, you notice it came from your parents in law, funnily true.
Thus, you need to understand that there is no perfect human being in this world.
There is no perfect family members in this world. There will be a good and bad flow we need to grow with and accept. We will need to compromise each other, give and take, forgive and forget.
Acceptance in something you cannot change is very important. Too much ego kills your happiness. Why let others spoil your mood when you are the one who should be in control of this matter.
5. Speak out, be honest
If you have any big concerns in life regarding a huge decision which needs support from your difficult parents in law, you need to learn to deal, speak out and be honest. Going through your partner’s mouth may cause miscommunication if messages are not conveyed correctly or even misinterpreted from a middle person.
Thus, the best way to express and deal a huge concern or matter which you personally feel you need to also share the news to your difficult parents in law. It is better to talk to them directly face to face as it will cut short any possible misunderstandings. Especially to avoid arguments during a misunderstanding.
They have no rights to control much in your decision making. However certain topics they are in the category of “Low Power, High Interests”. Thus they should be keep informed at least. If this is a serious matter and life changing. It should be discussed one on one, to show honesty and how serious you are to make that decision.
6. Keep your distance
Do you know according to the worldwide survey, more than 70% of married couples have conflicts and tension from their parents in law. It shows that this problem is a common issue.
Thus, you are not alone to face this problem. This is a common issue, which something you and your partner should learn to expect and accept the possibility of these kind of things in life. No matter how nice your parents in law can be, there will always be problems to stay together. It is highly recommended to have your own house to live in.
Living away from your parents in law, is a much healthier choice as it gives you and your partner personal space away from the parents in law. Thus, harmony can be easily maintained as there will be no interference or opinions from external parties. Keeping your own distance saves you much trouble in having in law problems.
Read Also: The Best Way to Help Your Depressed Partner
In conclusion, there is no perfect life in this world. Behind every happy family portrait lies all types of emotions everyone had gone through together. In the end it is up to us, to continue loving the love we had found.
We need to learn to differentiate our partner as an individual too. We need to give them the support they need at this point of time. It is trust and sincerity to be revealed during this conflict. It is your role to give your best support to your partner if they are bullied by the in laws. Unless, in the case if your partner disrespects them, there should also be a limit and boundary agreed to be made.
You may be facing a few conflicts with your current parents in law and feeling really tensed about it. This might also happen to your partner when they face your parents. How sure are you that your parents will not accidentally mistreat your partner?
In any conflict with your parents in law, as long as your partner is strongly on your side, you should appreciate their love and support at that point of time. Your partner’s choice of choosing you means they prioritizes “You” which means a lot. In the end, you will need to grow old with someone who always choose you.
A strong support system is what we need to sustain the storms of life. It is not always about what we enjoyed together. It is about who was there and never left, when things got worst.