9 Tips to be a Good & Effective Listener

4 mins read
how to be a good listener

A good listener is someone who doesn’t judge the other person until the conversation is over. The benefits of this behavior include respecting, being appreciated, and not blaming the other person.

Including expanding relationships, developing empathy, and more easily finding solutions to the problems being discussed.

If you still think you’re a bad listener, don’t worry. To help you, here are 9 ways to be a good listener that you need to do.

1. Avoid Failing to Focus

Do you often lose concentration in the middle of a chat? This condition can also make a person fail to be a good listener.

We’ve been trying hard to listen, but in the end failed to focus. As a result, we seem not to follow the ongoing conversation.


If you’re having trouble like this, try taking a break for coffee or tea. In addition to making the situation more relaxed, coffee or tea can also help you concentrate on the conversation at hand.

What if you had to focus on listening in formal situations?

Drinking coffee or tea clearly can not be done in all places. Therefore, in formal situations, you can replace it with candy.

2. Be Honest about Listening Readiness

Not everyone fails to be a good listener because they have a discriminatory nature. Sometimes, there are also those who cannot listen to other people because they are not ready.

Just imagine, you are an office employee who just returned to the boarding house at 8 pm because of overtime. You feel so tired. But suddenly a boarding friend visits your room and intends to vent.


In these conditions, chances are you will not be able to listen to his stories properly. Because physically and mentally, you are in need of rest.

Therefore, rather than being forced, be honest about your inability to be told at that time. Even if the friend continues to vent, just let him be.

At least you’ve given a warning that you’re not ready to be vented.

3. Don’t be Busy With Your Smartphone

One easy-to-implement way if you want to be “a good listener” is to stop playing on your phone.

Yes, try to get rid of your smartphone first when you are chatting with someone. This action is trivial, but it seems very difficult for many people to do.


Understand that you need to respect the person you are interacting with. If you are even busy playing on your cellphone, of course they will feel bad and in the end feel embarrassed by your behavior.

Especially when they are enthusiastic to talk to you. Or, they want to say something very important.

Related: 10 Clever Tricks To Use Phone Less And Stop Phone Addiction

4. Stop Underestimating the Person You Talk to

One of the reasons why a person cannot be a good listener is because he often underestimates the person he is talking to.

Usually this happens when he is dealing with certain people. And unfortunately often the reasons are somewhat discriminatory.


For example, when dealing with a boss, you can listen with great concentration. But when you get home, when you talk to your own mother, you look lazy.

The same is true when you chat with maids and those whose jobs are often looked down upon.

Therefore, if you really want to be someone who can listen to other people, get rid of trivial thoughts.

Especially to those who have contributed to your life. Show your respect by ignoring them when they are talking.

5. Don’t Interrupt The Conversation

Stop annoying habits like interrupting the conversation. This attitude will make you look like you don’t respect the other person.


Sometimes it’s okay to do this for fun. But if repeatedly, of course the other person can be irritated.

Remember, when someone is talking to you, they feel that you deserve to be spoken to. You are considered to be able to understand it or quite pleasant to talk to.

Appreciate it by showing an attitude that is also appreciative. Dedicate only a few moments of time so that the other person can express their opinion or story completely without being interrupted.

6. Don’t Judge

Judgmental attitude is an attitude characterized by a person’s tendency to judge others according to his standards. Judgmental people are not good listeners.

Because they are busy giving judgment, not understanding. Not good, right?


Therefore, if you intend to become a person who can respect other people’s conversations, stop judging people.

For example, your friend confides that he was scolded by his mother because his grades were bad. Instead of calling your friend stupid, try to show your empathy.

See your friend as someone you want to understand and encourage. So, don’t even argue that your friend deserves to be scolded.

7. Show Appropriate Body Gestures

In addition to trying to really listen, also show good body gestures. Look occasionally in the eyes of the person you are talking to to show that you are paying attention.

Sit or stand facing the other person. And last but not least, occasionally nod your head as a sign that you are following what he is saying.


Gestures like this are very important. Because, if you show body language that looks bored, your interlocutor will also feel embarrassed. It could even be that he will feel unappreciated by you.

For example, the gesture of holding hands while occasionally yawning. This attitude will make the other person uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if you sit facing the other person with an occasional nod, you will be seen as polite and considerate.

8. Give a Good Feedback

There are people who vent just to be heard. However, there are also people who vent to ask for a solution. Both are legal to do and there is nothing wrong.

If a friend or relative who confides in you just wants to be heard, follow the tips mentioned in point 6 above. Meanwhile, if your friends or relatives need a solution, then provide your input or opinion as best you can.


State your point of view and what you would do when faced with a friend’s problem. But avoid forcing your opinion or requiring friends to follow our solutions.

Why? Because he could have found a better solution than himself.

9. Not Everything About Yourself

Have you ever met a person who always talk about himself?

For example, you are complaining about your boyfriend to a classmate. Instead of responding, your seatmate will tell you how his problem with his girlfriend is even worse.

At first glance, this attitude seems normal. But that’s actually not a good thing. Because when people are talking, let alone vent, they want to be heard. But instead of being heard, he had to listen to other people’s complaints.


If you have this attitude, you will not be a good listener. Therefore, stop a little attributing things to yourself.

You are not the center of this world. Allow your acquaintances to talk about their problems without you changing the topic to yours.

Bottom Line

Actually, how to be a good listener is not difficult. It’s just that, we have to work on some things that have been considered trivial. For example, paying attention to gestures, not busy playing cellphones, until learning not to judge.

So, try the 9 ways above so that you become someone who can really listen to the other person. Good luck!